Stable Insanity

I am a realist with both feet safely on the ground and I love stability! I am also convinced that I am insane. (for those that know me...you know this to be funny but kinda true!) With that said I still want the perfect man to come along and sweep me off my feet like some unrealistic fairy tale. Then the realist part of me speaks up rather loudly and says "Keep dreamin' girl! And by the way YOU ARE INSANE!!!"

Today I realized some more that I am okay waiting for a man who is at least close to my perfect man and will not be settling for anything less. If that means no sex...so be it. If that means being alone...so what! If that means having moments of loneliness consume me...that's life.

I am me and I am not going to apologize to anyone for being who I am. Love me as I am or fuck off. I am neurotic about certain things. I am a pain in the ass about other things. I am a perfectionist about some things. I am weird AND quirky. I am outgoing and can talk to hundreds of people at a time and not be nervous. BUT I can be shy and take a while to warm up. I will eat peanut butter straight out of the jar if the mood strikes me. I love a bubble bath and a good glass of wine on a Saturday night over a big fancy night out. I am loyal, considerate, faithful, honest, loving and compassionate. I am down to earth but dream big. I know what I want in a partner and I will have it in my life when I make that kind of leap of faith again. I will have someone who knows that I love sappy girl movies and does not make fun of me for watching them and crying. I will have someone who knows how I take my coffee or what drink to order me at the bar. I will have someone who will make me breakfast in bed. I will have someone who will get swept up in the moment and dance with me wherever we may be. I believe this with every ounce of my soul and heart!

I was talking with Heidi tonight and she pointed out that there are times in a relationship when one is not happy. Fortunately for me I know this first hand having been married. I know that there are times when you want to be alone and times when you are less than thrilled with your spouse. Well, since I know all that I have decided to keep both eyes open and know that one day I will find my partner. I am not in a hurry. I am not desperate in any way. I will just keep living my life and one way or another it will fall into place. I will get my romantic movie ending with my guy. The only difference these days is that I truly know what I am looking for in that man and know that in my future that man and I will be together dancing as the waves crash on the moonlit beach laughing as we talk about the silliness of our day.

Until then I will continue to live in my stable insanity otherwise known as my life.