Still Processing...

I have started a few posts over the past few days but nothing seems quite right for posting. Then today I get this in my email...

Aquarius Horoscope (Jan 20 - Feb 18)

Tuesday, Dec 30th, 2008 -- You are still feeling somewhat moody, but as the day progresses you are more inclined to pull yourself out of your funk and to reach for the stars. This process could remain invisible to others; they won't have a clue that you are going through some intense inner processing unless you go out of your way to tell them. Save any meaningful self-disclosure until you know where you are going.

Hmm...so I guess even my horoscope knows that I am processing and not ready to disclose because I am still working out where I am going and what I am doing and who I am becoming.

Stay tuned for more...until then Happy New Year!

May your 2009 be filled with much love, laughter and happiness!!!

Hmm...L-O-V-E...Really?!?!

Today I woke up after a very long sleep and still felt lousy. I was weighed down by the mess that surrounded me and how I needed to get it cleaned up for company tomorrow. I dallied around and thought if I could just get laundry done I would be better. I got that done and then thought I could dust off the entertainment center. I moved the stack of cd's that I had gotten out for holiday music well over a month ago. I love music for the holidays. I just was not feeling it this year and had not listened to any. Until now that is...and it was quite appropriate what I put in to play.

See I have been thinking about love today. I have thought about how much of it I have in my life and yet I still long for that one special love just for me. I believe today that my love is waiting for me and will appear at the time it is meant to and not before then. I just have to keep working on finding my own way. I have made some great progress (more on that soon!)

But for today I acknowledge the loves that I have in my life and share with you part of the lyrics from Celine Dion's Don't Save it All for Christmas Day...

Don't get so busy that you miss
Giving just a little kiss
To the ones you love
Don't even wait a little while
To get them just a little smile
A little is enough

How many people are crying
People are dying
How many people are asking for love

So Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find a way
To give a little love everyday
Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find your way
Cause holidays have come and gone
But love lives on
If you give on
Love...

How could you wait another minute
A hug is warmer when you're in it
And Baby that's a fact
And saying "I Love you's" always better
Seasons, reasons, they don't matter
So don't hold back
How many people in this world
So needful in this world
How many people are praying for love

So Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find a way
To give a little love everyday
Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find your way
Cause holidays have come and gone
But love lives on
If you give on
Love...

While I do not have one special love at this moment...I have hope and faith that when I find my way to where I need to be there he will be! I do have lots of loves in my life though!

I have a mom who loves me enough to accept me for the person I WAS, the person I AM and the person I strive to become. I have two of the most amazing sisters a girl could ever ask for! Each one in her own was has been my very best friend and constant supplier of love and laughter when required to survive. Without them I could never have become the woman I am today. I am beyond blessed with one of the greatest friends without whom I could never have rediscovered myself and my seemingly bottomless pit of courage. I am blessed with a dear friend who help me learn that my heart healed bigger than before and that I am not broken!

I will continue giving all my love to those who need it because I know that it will come back to me tenfold. For that I am blessed! For the love that awaits me I open my heart to you and want you to know that I will continue to work on finding my way and am here.

Love actually is all around!

More Gratitude

I have discovered over the last couple of years that when things seem absolutely dismal if I return to a place of gratitude my view shifts and things do become better. So as I sit here feeling alone and sick and sad I am going to focus on it because I have so much to be grateful for.

I am grateful for time off to relax and recoup from a very busy (and amazing) fall semester.

I am grateful for family to spend Christmas with again this year!

I am forever grateful for laughter that makes your sides hurt with my sisters!

I am grateful for best friends who keep in touch all year long!

I am grateful for new friends who understand me, get me and want to have me in their lives.

I am grateful for time with my mom and love that she seems to really be listening to me!

I am grateful for finding the cause of the mystery water in my car and for getting it cleaned out!



THANK YOU! :-)

Trying to do too much

I sent out a message to my students about my schedule this week.
It is packed. Beyond packed! I am doing entirely too much and I
just do not know where to stop. The universe helped me a bit
today though...I was going to try to get a box ready and then
drop it at the post office after my dentist appointment.

I tried numerous times to get the label to print and it won't!
No post office run for me today. I did make it to the dentist
only to find out that I may need to have just a bit more work
done in the area that consumed my summer two years ago.

Not a very nice Christmas gift.

I finish there and then run back to my office. Trying to get
work done and for some reason nothing is working right. Ack!
Seriously this has got to stop! I have work to get done and it
needs to get done so I can take a couple days off. Please dear
god...just let me get through this so I can take a couple days off.
Then I will work and get things cleaned up for the new year and
then take some more much needed time off.

For now, I need to focus on work, then baking and a little sleep,
then work and then maybe more baking. :-0
I just have to get it all done.

Oh, but, I have accepted the fact that while I had Christmas
cards months ago and I even started making labels...they are
not happening this year. Would love to get them done but
not gonna happen. One thing that I am letting go of in this
time of me still doing too much!

*sigh* When did life get so ____________ your choice here!

OK...Back to work...