Another year has gone by...

Some of my friends know that I had a rough time turning 30. I thought I was going to wake up, get my coffee, kiss Chris and then just fall over dead. All because I was turning 30!

After going into therapy days before my 30th birthday I learned a lot about myself and about getting older. First, getting older did not kill me. Second, I may be the oldest out of my sisters but I am not the one that everyone thinks is the oldest! Third, getting older is what you make of it. Most importantly, your life is about inviting people in who make your world better and brighter. I did that the year I turned 30 by starting Girls Day. I miss it and I miss my girls!

So it was no wonder that last year was a rough year for me and for my birthday. I had moved from LA to Pittsburgh a few months before and was still in the process of making new friends and getting reaquainted with my family. Oh, and, it was fucking cold and shitty outside. The year before was the week long birthday celebration so those that love me can be held responsible for the bar being set high! What I have realized is that it was not that they did anything huge but just loved me and acknowledged me and made me feel so special! Last year I just felt alone. No one at work mentioned my day and no one seemed to notice me. That is hard to deal with when you are in a new place and just making new friends. But somehow I managed to get through it and came out on the other end better for it.

A year later, I have friends near and far, the weather was better and my birthday was lovely. It was nothing major in any way it was just that people care that I am around and want me to know that they care. It makes this life a little easier to navigate. So another year has gone by in my life and I am learning more about myself and learning more about what I want in life.

I do know that I have some of the best family in the world! Just look at this...

Today: Cold and Early

I woke up early just like every other Saturday morning to head out to my Weight Watchers meeting. I was not overly concerned about what the results would be this week as I literally got my ass chewed up and handed to me. Thus what the scale had to say was of little concern. I was more interested in connecting with some amazing souls that would help me pick myself up and get my head back in my game.

Today I was jiggly according to Barb. I told her that I had had a rough week and was not concerned about being up and she told me that all I was being was jiggly on the scale. Personally, I think it was just that the universe was not sure what to do with me and my slightly adjusted attitude. Who is this woman standing here not afraid of the scale? What happened to the panicked Nicole who fears the failure of being up one week and down the next? Where did she go? Huh? When did this shift happen? How? Wha...

I know that I am not in a hurry and I am not on a diet. I am changing my life. Changing my life involves changing the way I look at food, failure and faith. Changing my life is not something I just woke up one day and said this is how it is going to be. Nope, it has been small and subtle changes in some areas and bold changes in others. This week in my work life I took some pretty bold steps to positive change. In my personal life I am working on smaller changes that over time will add up to great rewards. For now I triumph in little things and hang on to them with both hands at times because this journey is not for the weak of heart or the weak of integrity. I am changing my inside and having faith that it will lead to outside changes to match.

So this week I am just one of the trouble makers who causes Barb grief in a 8 am meeting. More than that I am a brave one who braved the frigid temps and the nasty scale to come and get an invigorating boost from my friends and know that given time it will work itself out. Now if I can just get to the bottom of what has had me stuck in the same weight range and bust through it I will be joyous beyond belief and feel like I have beaten down one more demon that I am tired of carrying with me.

*Sigh* For now I think it best to crawl into bed and give all of me a well deserved rest!

Back Off

I am not sure if it is because of my upcoming birthday or if it is just the right time but this week I have been stronger and more confident about standing up for myself. I have been overwhelmed at work and things were spiraling towards being buried. Some how I stepped up and spoke up to have things work out for my own sanity.

In this new found strength I am finding that certain annoyances that have been popping up lately may be handled in a manner that surprises even me. I feel the need to just yell "Back OFF" to the world!

I am still overwhelmed and working more hours than normal but I am not feeling buried. Solutions have been uncovered and tossed around. Some may even work! The relief I feel this morning is just about as amazing as that hot coffee I awoke to in the kitchen! Now I guess I should get my ass in gear and get ready for work.

Staying In- DUH!!

Even with advanced warning about the cold temps it is still shocking to wake up and here that it feels like -12 out there. It has warmed up a bit since I woke up but still!!! Yeah, um, I am not going outside today. For my loved ones in California feel free to make fun...I will be submitting my updated resume to you for the live-in maid positions at your homes. Partly Cloudy 9°F Feels Like -7°F

Updated Jan 20 09:25 a.m. ET

Happy New Year

Before the end of 2007 I got an email from a fabulous artist and writer, Jennifer Louden. I get her "Self Care Minder" regularly in my email box. They don't come on the same day or at the same time but they come regularly and timely for me. For that I am grateful! So on December 27th I checked my email and there was a new one. She had her list of minimum requirements for 2008. The thought of that struck me and stuck with me.

I stopped making resolutions some time back when I started being more gentle with myself. I got a card in the mail from someone very dear to me that told me NOT to make any resolutions. I actually laughed out loud knowing that I was already there and it felt good. Now, that does not mean that I do not have goals or intentions. No, I am not planning on spending a year doing nothing.

I feel 2008 is going to be quite exhilarating and exciting and filled with lots of joy, laughter and love. I mean how can my year not go well with USC playing in the Rose Bowl? ;-) Fight On Trojans....Beat Illinois!

Okay, back to this new year and my plans...they are quite grand! Drum roll please....

1. Cook healthy food and enjoy it!
2. Move my body regularly. It makes me feel so much better.
3. Practice yoga. It makes me feel and experience life so much clearer.
4. Meditate regularly. It keeps me grounded, centered and on track.
5. Volunteer. Just do it!
6. Remember to take my cloth shopping bags to the store and my own mug to the coffee shop.
7. Focus on the inside to make the outside what I want.
8. Be happy with where I am at when I am there...always.
9. Sleep.
10. Read new authors and re-read old ones.
11. Write regularly.
12. Spend time with friends and family.
13. Lose weight.
14. Paint with no fear.
15. Other goals and plans to come...


So what are your plans for this year? I have some pretty big ones so far. I will be visiting Los Angeles at the end of February for a few days. I will be volunteering at Buckeye Girls State in June. I am going to be an aunt in a couple weeks. Okay, so I actually have nothing to do with this one but I will have plenty to do with the spoiling and teaching of young Cameron!

This is not all but some of the big points for now.

A new year brings to mind much sense of hope, wonderment and joy.

What will you do with yours?